Posts tagged "Golf Joke"

Are You Ready For A New Golf Caddy (long enough joke for 18 holes)?

Sam approached the clerk behind the counter in the pro shop and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."

The clerk behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this. We just got 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you’re willing to take one with you out on the course and if you will come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."

Sam anxiously accepted the man’s offer.

He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your #3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

Hesitantly, Sam pulled out his #3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. Delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.

As Sam pulled out his putter, he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right."

The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.

His luck didn’t end there, his entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the clerk behind the counter asked, "How was your game?"

Sam excitedly stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week."

A week passed, and excited, Sam returned to the pro shop.

Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to Sam and said, "Well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

Confused, Sam cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the hell could’ve complained about those robots? They were incredible!"

The clerk sighed and said, "Well, it wasn’t their performance. It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."

Sam said, "So then why didn’t you just paint them black?"

The clerk nodded sadly and replied, "We did. And then four of ‘em didn’t show up for work, two filed for welfare, and the other two robbed the pro shop."

LMAO. hahahahahaha… ohhh you’re in trouble, you’re a wanted guy with them blacks. LOL, still stalking you, LOL..

Builder and the priest hit the golf course.?

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon.Unfortunately the builder was’nt very good at the game and every time he missed he would shout ‘s-h-i-t, missed’.
The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder,the priest could hold his tongue no longer."Don’t swear like that"he told his friend,"or god will punish you."The builder apologised and the game continued.
As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted "s-h-i-t,missed."and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes.
Thr priest was starting to get really angry by now and said"I must insist that you stop swearing this instant,otherwise God will hear you and punish you!"
once again,hie pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "S-h-i-t,missed"Immediatly the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky,hitting the priest and killing him stone dead.

suddenly,a voice shouted,"Shit,missed!"

golf sucks,
joke’s good
a*4u <(((><

golf joke………….?

1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
2. “I wish I could play my normal game…just once.”
3. “Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.”
4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
6. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul it again.”
7. A “gimmie” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers… neither of whom can putt very well.
8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
9. Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
10. I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the “gimme” Putt, you might wish to reconsider this game.
12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you’ve reached after you’ve really reached it.
13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work and both are Expensive.
15. The best wood in most golfers’ bags is the pencil.
16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers … they shoot a “six,” yell “fore” and write “five.”
18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf… it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.
20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks!

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again
Golf is the best way to spoil a good walk

Pop-A-Putt Golf Joke

An awesomely funny golf prank for that guy who really has a great short game. Putt a ball into the hole and it pops right back out! (Pop-A-Putt Golf Joke)

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